i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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