Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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