just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
