So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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