Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
