So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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