How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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