I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
