i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
