Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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