so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
