ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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