Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
