Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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