I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
