HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
