Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
