my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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