mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Damn victory sex feels great
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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