My nipple is on Facebook.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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