come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
