Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He kissed a someone with a penis
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
