Hey man sorry I got all grabby
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
this boner is exhausting
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You ruined the universe
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
