did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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