I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Randomize
