Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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