Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
