all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
