he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
