I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
