i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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