Jerry, you need to find god
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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