That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
