if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He better not be in your backpack
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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