NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
