no, he came in my armpit
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
