She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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