My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
