I didn't shave. On purpose
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Randomize
