So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
