Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
My feet surprised me
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