I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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