I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
