Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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