I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
