There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
