she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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