I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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