Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
