Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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