All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
