she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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