dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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