we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
