I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
