I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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