is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
