I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
