you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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