dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
