I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
What a dumb baby whore.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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