It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
