Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
