I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
