I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
