He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
