He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
