Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
