god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
