There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize