Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize