she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
