sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm really into asian looking animals
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
