He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
love makes seman taste better
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
