you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
