yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
