can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
do nipples grow back?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize