have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Come see our sink grown plant.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Let's get the cat blown out
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
