I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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