Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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