these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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