Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
