I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Porn is love you can see.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize