Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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