he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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