I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize