Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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