So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
