I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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