Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
