oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
