She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
