Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize