I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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