we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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