I just made out with a guy for $7.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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