So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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