What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
