I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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