I can tuck mytits in my pants
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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