just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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