so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
