if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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