Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
