Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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