Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
